Black Lives Matter. End of discussion. I don’t even know how to feel, but I know that I am TIRED. Tired of talking about it, tired of explaining, tired of worrying, just so damn tired and I know that this feeling is never going to end. Not until there is a change with the justice system. The system was not built to protect us and it’s getting to the point where it feels like we’re being mocked by it. 

My thoughts are all over the place. I’m thinking about the Karens, and the Toms, and the ignorant black people who like to bring up “but we kill our own, so why should we expect for them to respect us”. Guess what, they never will. I’m not saying all white people are the same, because I know thats the next thing to be accused of, but what I’m saying is this is more than asking Ethan who lives in Bedstuy to respect me and my culture and expect him to protest with us. It’s the fact that black people are still not viewed or treated like human beings, we are convenient and disposable in their eyes. (Also, stop looking for approval from white people.) Meaning once they got what they were looking for they see no need to keep us around. I’m sure you’ve all seen it, the video of the racist white woman, Amy Cooper, calling the cops on a black man, Christian Cooper, because he asked her to leash her dog. The people who watched the video were more concerned over the dog that was choking himself out rather than Amy Cooper, BLATANTLY LYING ABOUT HER WELL BEING  and showing off her acting skills and adding a touch of hysteria to the phone call in hopes that 1. Mr. Cooper would stop recording and leave her alone and 2. The cops dealt with Mr. Cooper “accordingly” if he continued to record her. That man’s life was on the line and what white people seemed to care about the most was a damn dog that was freaking the hell out because its belligerent owner was holding it by the collar. A dog’s life comes before a black man’s life. Aint that crazy?

That right there is disgusting but also not surprising. I am not in the least bit surprised, but I am annoyed, and tired. Everyone is expecting black people to continue to hold hands and walk down the streets peacefully singing god damn Kumbaya and ask so kindly for respect, but it’s not happening. It all started when Kappernick took a knee and that small gesture was still too much of a protest. We are tired of being lenient and thinking there wont be a next time. There is ALWAYS going to be a next time if something doesn’t change. I’m doing everything in my power to try and make a change and it still isn’t enough and its so damn frustrating. Trying to tackle so many injustices is a lot of work but I sure as hell wont stop. 

George Floyd’s family, I am so terribly sorry that you have to experience this, to all the families that lost a loved one to the police my deepest condolences.