Black Lives Matter. End of discussion. I don’t even know how to feel, but I know that I am TIRED. Tired of talking about it, tired of explaining, tired of worrying, just so damn tired and I know that this feeling is never going to end. Not until there is a change with the justice system. The system was not built to protect us and it’s getting to the point where it feels like we’re being mocked by it. 

My thoughts are all over the place. I’m thinking about the Karens, and the Toms, and the ignorant black people who like to bring up “but we kill our own, so why should we expect for them to respect us”. Guess what, they never will. I’m not saying all white people are the same, because I know thats the next thing to be accused of, but what I’m saying is this is more than asking Ethan who lives in Bedstuy to respect me and my culture and expect him to protest with us. It’s the fact that black people are still not viewed or treated like human beings, we are convenient and disposable in their eyes. (Also, stop looking for approval from white people.) Meaning once they got what they were looking for they see no need to keep us around. I’m sure you’ve all seen it, the video of the racist white woman, Amy Cooper, calling the cops on a black man, Christian Cooper, because he asked her to leash her dog. The people who watched the video were more concerned over the dog that was choking himself out rather than Amy Cooper, BLATANTLY LYING ABOUT HER WELL BEING  and showing off her acting skills and adding a touch of hysteria to the phone call in hopes that 1. Mr. Cooper would stop recording and leave her alone and 2. The cops dealt with Mr. Cooper “accordingly” if he continued to record her. That man’s life was on the line and what white people seemed to care about the most was a damn dog that was freaking the hell out because its belligerent owner was holding it by the collar. A dog’s life comes before a black man’s life. Aint that crazy?

That right there is disgusting but also not surprising. I am not in the least bit surprised, but I am annoyed, and tired. Everyone is expecting black people to continue to hold hands and walk down the streets peacefully singing god damn Kumbaya and ask so kindly for respect, but it’s not happening. It all started when Kappernick took a knee and that small gesture was still too much of a protest. We are tired of being lenient and thinking there wont be a next time. There is ALWAYS going to be a next time if something doesn’t change. I’m doing everything in my power to try and make a change and it still isn’t enough and its so damn frustrating. Trying to tackle so many injustices is a lot of work but I sure as hell wont stop. 

George Floyd’s family, I am so terribly sorry that you have to experience this, to all the families that lost a loved one to the police my deepest condolences. 

Death is a tricky subject. I don’t know these people personally but just hearing that these people haven’t lived their fullest life really bothers me. I never took death well. I’m always confused and wonder how it could’ve been avoided. I know it’s something that you can’t avoid. If it’s your time it’s your time. But at the same time I don’t want it to be anyone’s time. Like why can’t we just enjoy period while they are here. To the people who are celebrating a death I told myself that I won’t entertain you by speaking about it but I just want you to know that nothing changed for you ain’t there passing you’re still in the sane living financial and emotional situation you were in before they passed so I just don’t get why this is a celebration for you. It really is just bugging me to see someone’s face and their last few hours alive and now they’re gone just that fast I’m listening to letter to Nipsey by meek and Roddy and man I can just hear the pain in their voice and I really don’t wish that pain on anyone. I lost my grandfather about 5 years ago and it still affects me the sane way when I found out about it. I always ask myself was there any way to avoid him passing.

Sorry for the grammar errors and run ons…

Hi everyone, here’s another free write.

So this has been on my mind a lot and it’s about people not trusting or giving women photographers a chance. I look at a campaign, lookbook, Instagram photo w.e it is and I think to myself “I could do that… but so much better” and when I look at who the photographer was to no surprise it’s a guy. I literally can not understand why its so easy to jump on the backs of photographers who are men.

When I look at local photographers and see the work they produce, no offense to the people who like that kind of work but it is so below average that it puzzles me people pay money to get their picture taken by these people. In no way do I feel that I am the best of the best and that everyone should come to me for pictures, but I could’ve came up with a better concept for that shoot, and shot it better.

No more complaining. Now I bet some people are thinking “Well if you feel that way why don’t you do something about it”, well guess what I have been for about 6 months now. Everyone tells me that they love my work and that they see me going far, but when it comes to actually hiring me for work everyone seems to forget that I am a photographer. LOL. 

I will write more but I would like to get some rest, but I will conclude with saying I believe the reason why its hard to hire or a woman photographer is because having a woman’s perspective on how we view anything whether its art based or commercial based is intimidating.